So my last post was pretty negative and angry. I hope I can move on from this depression. I just have to let things go and live each day as it comes. I have not taken good care of myself. Letting Myself get lost and not caring. It affects my friendships and relationships and then I find myself hiding out and not socializing much with others. I keep on burring my head in the sand. I look at other peoples art and instead of being inspired I get jealous and envious that it was not my idea.
Being unhealthy with my diet really has brought me spiraling downward and now I am trying to get back to a happy place. I closed my shop as it was making me more depressed. My own art no longer looked good to me. I had been looking at the same art every weekend for four years and now it is time to make new different art. In my last post I blamed Crafted some and that's not fair. It's my own fault. This depression often wins with me. My apologies to the old ladies who enjoy Crafted. I hope you continue to enjoy shopping there.
Most days are a challenge for me to get going. It's hard just putting on my shoes. I have all this love inside though that is waiting to spill out onto the canvas but when I sit down to paint the old art is still there. I think it's time for a painting class or trying new ideas. I never really know how successful I am or if anyone is following me for sure. Were my four years at my shop all in vein? I don't have many Instagram followers compared to most people (there I go comparing again...) This is why I need to stay off social media. It brings me down and fills me with self doubt. When I get working on art and new ideas i get too busy and in the zone to worry about what's happening around me. It can be addictive but it can also be isolating if I work too much.
sometimes I take time out to reward myself now and then with something non food related. Maybe I will go comic book shopping or to a flea market. Most times I shop online but it is never as much fun as hunting down a good small treasure and it just prolongs my isolation and keeps me from facing the world.
I have lots of anxiety when I am out in the world. People stare at me so I often have to take steps to build up to going out in public. I meditate or count numbers in my mind before I get out of my car most times. I have very low self esteem and I am hyper body conscious and it leads to self loathing and most often fear of being seen in public.
People can be rotten so I have let go of a few recently who are toxic to me. Supportive positive friends can often help bring back my happy place so I hold on to them hopefully without leaning on them too much. My father moved back east last month and that is good. He never supported my art dreams. He turned into and angry man with the help of lots of booze. He stopped loving and caring back in the 70's somewhere. He supports other peoples kids often but his own family he gave up on.
So he is in the freezing cold now. Which is fitting. I still love him but I can no longer be around him. Too toxic.
So I am eating off smaller sized plates now and making better choices but I do need to start documenting victories and achievements which is why I am blogging. Getting out my thoughts and feelings all typed out helps me solve depression problems. Talking about it helps. My mom taught me to communicate my feelings to break though depression and survive being bullied by others and most of all being bullied by my own dad.
Next week I will have lots of improvements to report on my progress. I will also have lots of new art getting made up. so stay tuned to my website: www.scottaicher.com or www.popkustomshoppe.com.
Make today and everyday great. Keep trying. Keep on trucking. Keep the faith. Keep hope alive....
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
2018... Let's make it better! My goals for the year...
So I have left Crafted where for four years I had my shop where you could come down and tell me what you thought of my art. At first I had so much positive response from all you who supported me and I was hoping that being the odd ball shop I was it would build and get better. Hoping other odd ball shops would pop up too. Well, one or two did. Eventually my friends bands played there but more than anything it became a shop for old ladies. It literally became like selling my art to my mom. (I love my mom, but she does not get my style of art) As time went on more and more of the shops became women's jewelry and Crafted things rather than the art crowd I needed to get by.
They had raised my rent about 100 dollars which honestly was about what kind of profit I made if any after awhile. I had no money left to make new shirts or merch but I spent my own money to make more hoping it would sell and work out in the end. I made expensive high quality canvas prints of my work that people loved and complimented but did not buy. (Most of them are still on sale on my aicher.bigcartel.com site)
I started to lose track of myself. I gained back lots of the weight I had worked so hard to lose. Went back to old eating habits and became depressed again. Here's the thing... I have always suffered from bad depression coupled with mental illness. It's up to me to keep myself healthy mentally. That is why I quit drinking and smoking years ago. I found other things to occupy my time like painting and collecting for inspiration in my art. My wife helped me see the beauty of life by watching her maintain her garden and achieve excellence at becoming one of the best teachers in this state. Mostly what she expects from me is to work hard at the art I make and be happy and enjoy life.
For Four years I enjoyed having my little shop. I loved being in charge of how it went each weekend, I put all I had into it. My best work. My best shirt and poster designs. I really was just after smiles from people and sometimes my own smile. We had a community where we all talked at meetings and shared ideas on how to improve things. It was exciting and there was usually a great positive energy all day long to get you through the day.
After awhile things got gossipy and then came girl power. Fewer and fewer men had booths there.I love powerful women. I love all women. All the guys were at the brewery next door. I got more depressed and wondered if it was my art? I knew I was just in the wrong place for too long. I made lifelong friends there that I love dearly but that was just not enough to keep my shop open. As I said I am now back at an unhealthy weight. I tried to explain my illness to people but they did not understand me and said I seem fine. That's because I manage my depression. It was getting worse being there and it was no longer fun listening to grouchy old housewives pick apart my hard work.
It was time for change so in December 2017 I packed it up.
As I type now I have an uphill battle. I have to take this weight off first. Get back into going on walks and walking my dog. I have begun looking into new business ideas too. One of my new online sites is Threadless (popkustomshoppe.threadless.com). I have all kinds of new merch available there. Different kinds of shirts for men and women in your own custom color, Mugs, Cell phone covers, Bathmats, Pillows and on and on.... it was really fun to get that site going at the beginning of this year. My other site (aicher.bigcartel.com) has all of my available prints for sale as well as some of my original art paintings too. You can reach the links for both of those sites (and this blog too) at my main website: popkustomshoppe,com (or: scottaicher.com). I set up all of my Crafted paints and canvases at my mom's garage and I hope to paint with her once a week too. She is such a great painter and I want to get her painting more. If I am not painting I will be selling off my toy collection, guitars and record albums on ebay in my ebay shop (potroastboy)
I have many more art shows coming up at El Cuervo Gallery in El Segundo, CA which is the main home for my fine art. I plan on getting involved with a few new galleries this year as well. If you have a gallery and would like me to show with you please send me an email:(popkustomshoppe@gmail.com).
I am so excited to get back to painting again full time at home. My wife and I are hard at work cleaning up my studio at home to get it back to being a functioning place to work in again. I tend to be a bit of a pack rat hoarder at times. On the plus side I am healthy (exctept for the extra weight) at the moment. The house is in okay condition. My wife and dog are healthy and they still love me so I feel pretty lucky. I am glad I decided to change my path again this year. Hopefully it will be much more rewarding down the line.
The choice I have made to get in shape is over eaters anonymous plus cook at home to eat healthier. My first meeting is this Saturday. I have gained and lost so many times I need to deal with my emotions as they are why I over eat. I know I need some help and support too.
Love to you all, and Thanks- Scott
They had raised my rent about 100 dollars which honestly was about what kind of profit I made if any after awhile. I had no money left to make new shirts or merch but I spent my own money to make more hoping it would sell and work out in the end. I made expensive high quality canvas prints of my work that people loved and complimented but did not buy. (Most of them are still on sale on my aicher.bigcartel.com site)
I started to lose track of myself. I gained back lots of the weight I had worked so hard to lose. Went back to old eating habits and became depressed again. Here's the thing... I have always suffered from bad depression coupled with mental illness. It's up to me to keep myself healthy mentally. That is why I quit drinking and smoking years ago. I found other things to occupy my time like painting and collecting for inspiration in my art. My wife helped me see the beauty of life by watching her maintain her garden and achieve excellence at becoming one of the best teachers in this state. Mostly what she expects from me is to work hard at the art I make and be happy and enjoy life.
For Four years I enjoyed having my little shop. I loved being in charge of how it went each weekend, I put all I had into it. My best work. My best shirt and poster designs. I really was just after smiles from people and sometimes my own smile. We had a community where we all talked at meetings and shared ideas on how to improve things. It was exciting and there was usually a great positive energy all day long to get you through the day.
After awhile things got gossipy and then came girl power. Fewer and fewer men had booths there.I love powerful women. I love all women. All the guys were at the brewery next door. I got more depressed and wondered if it was my art? I knew I was just in the wrong place for too long. I made lifelong friends there that I love dearly but that was just not enough to keep my shop open. As I said I am now back at an unhealthy weight. I tried to explain my illness to people but they did not understand me and said I seem fine. That's because I manage my depression. It was getting worse being there and it was no longer fun listening to grouchy old housewives pick apart my hard work.
It was time for change so in December 2017 I packed it up.
As I type now I have an uphill battle. I have to take this weight off first. Get back into going on walks and walking my dog. I have begun looking into new business ideas too. One of my new online sites is Threadless (popkustomshoppe.threadless.com). I have all kinds of new merch available there. Different kinds of shirts for men and women in your own custom color, Mugs, Cell phone covers, Bathmats, Pillows and on and on.... it was really fun to get that site going at the beginning of this year. My other site (aicher.bigcartel.com) has all of my available prints for sale as well as some of my original art paintings too. You can reach the links for both of those sites (and this blog too) at my main website: popkustomshoppe,com (or: scottaicher.com). I set up all of my Crafted paints and canvases at my mom's garage and I hope to paint with her once a week too. She is such a great painter and I want to get her painting more. If I am not painting I will be selling off my toy collection, guitars and record albums on ebay in my ebay shop (potroastboy)
I have many more art shows coming up at El Cuervo Gallery in El Segundo, CA which is the main home for my fine art. I plan on getting involved with a few new galleries this year as well. If you have a gallery and would like me to show with you please send me an email:(popkustomshoppe@gmail.com).
I am so excited to get back to painting again full time at home. My wife and I are hard at work cleaning up my studio at home to get it back to being a functioning place to work in again. I tend to be a bit of a pack rat hoarder at times. On the plus side I am healthy (exctept for the extra weight) at the moment. The house is in okay condition. My wife and dog are healthy and they still love me so I feel pretty lucky. I am glad I decided to change my path again this year. Hopefully it will be much more rewarding down the line.
The choice I have made to get in shape is over eaters anonymous plus cook at home to eat healthier. My first meeting is this Saturday. I have gained and lost so many times I need to deal with my emotions as they are why I over eat. I know I need some help and support too.
Love to you all, and Thanks- Scott
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