Cleaning the Studio

I was cleaning the studio today and this time I am trying to really getting it to look right. I picked a corner and started in on re-organizing one set of display shelves. Along this journey I found and old skull I started about the time I got the desire to be a Kustom Culture painter after seeing the first Kustom Culture show at Laguna Art Museum about 91 I think? I started it way back then and it sat unfinished until today. It took me 20 years! I don't know what kind of art I make now, but I don't know how many more skully type things I got left in me. Every time I think no more Kustom Culture it creeps back in. I did just watch the Robert Williams movie Mr. Bitchen and it did not really capture how outside this art really was then. Then it was yet to explode. I think Robert deserved a better documentary, but at least he has one finally. This skull I did had my "Old" apprentice hand in it, and obvious nods to the trinity of Bob, Roth and Dutch. The wings are kinda lame, but that was as good as I was then. The eyeball has my fine lines I did way back then and the new work has the new flow going. The studio is far from done, but when I finish I will post the new look here. Pretty fun to see this done at last. Had lot of dust moving around the studio and I did not want to change things up too much as to throw off the mojo it has now, but change is good and it's time to move forward a bit. I made a small pile of salvage to chuck too. Tomorrow I work on it more. Good day of work.

Searching, Adventures, Healing and Growth

Sometimes life hits you with things you have no control over. Loved ones need you and sometimes they leave for the next life. It happens. It takes a part of you with it when it does. Most times when you begin to heal you begin to find who you are, and realize the love you gave is about to return to you. One of my things in life that I live for is to find inspiration. I find it mostly in little things that I see something of myself in. I collect things that give me joy and sometimes I pass them on to others who need them more than myself. Over the years I have made a good collection of toys, books, art supplies and musical instruments. This is my formula that works for me. Some folks like other things. In America we are made to feel we need big things and lots of it. Not many understand my collecting. Some call it hording. Which I can say that some times I have this tendency to over do it now and then. When that happens I sometimes get overwhelmed and feel the weight of my things. My wife often helps me get back to a reasonable stash of objects and helps me organize my things and my well being. Without her I would no doubt be alone in a sea of clutter. She brings value to most everything I have or make. Together (with the help of our families and pets) we make things grow. I have my art. She has her kids at school and her garden. Sometimes we hunt for things at flea markets together, but mostly we love to stay home. Recently I was on a bit of a low and wound up for the first time in a very long time at an actual toy store (not just a comic book shop). I looked at all the new things and found one or two that I liked. Some toys were made to appeal to my generation. I was not really there to buy, but to heal myself. It was like being sea sick on a boat. Sometimes things make you dizzy and ill and now and then the air will hit you right and you feel great. I took my time and enjoyed just the moment and being there. Some days just the trip to the destination is the most important part of the trip. This time I did buy something to mark this time of my life. That is what I will see in what I bought this day. It may find a new home one day but for now it holds a moment for me. Things are just things but some times things remind us of where we have been and sometimes a new thing can give you hope for the future. I watched Wes Andersen's Life Aquatic today. It gave me inspiration for this post. It is full of G.I Joe and Jacques Cousteau reference. It brought me back to younger days when I was much more active which is where I need to get next on my new healthier path. Time has happened. I may not get back in the ocean like I did when I was young, but I can ride my bike by the beach. I am sure I will have new adventures and growth if I do. I have been making small steps to get back to new discoveries. I have an elliptical wheel at home by the couch that I pedal for a bit each day. I have been walking at work around the warehouses when I am there. I have found a few rocks and pine cones etc...(a new collection? I used them to decorate my shoppe) when I walk. I am building to get better at riding my bike (I have lost a bit of weight and now my balance and strength are a bit off) and going for walks with my dog. I had a big goal to ride my bike in the Long Beach Marathon this year, but I may not make it this year. That is o.k. It is a good goal, but maybe it is too big right now. I forgive myself for possibly not being able to make it this year. Maybe next year, but for now I have set smaller goals and continue to improve. People have talked to me at my time of weakness this last few weeks and sometimes a word or two had temporarily set me back, but with the help and understanding from other friends and support groups I did not let it stop me. I am back on track and committed to moving on to better days. Some days when I pedal that wheel I imagine the places I will one day be riding my bike. Maybe the beach. Maybe a park. Maybe just down the block. I see me and my dog walking down the block one day and bonding over it. Some day maybe the wife, dog and me.... walking and watching the sunset and breathing fresh air. Baby steps first. My thanks for all of your continued support and kind words of encouragement. I am very grateful for all of the love. Ciao for now -Scott

Sounds of Laughter...

I have been working on my second book with Jack Grisham from TSOL. Many people have said things about him because of his opinions and his past life to me. Here's what I can say about Jack (my thoughts...) I have not read American Demon yet and I may not because the Jack I have come to know is responsible, dependable, supportive and loyal. Maybe his past was different. TSOL was a dangerous band. True. I struggled in high school and searched for signs of life. I found some relief when I stole money from my mom's purse to buy discounted punk records. One was "Dance with me" by TSOL. It told a story of secret agents facing death every day and have sex with a dead girl because the girls at school would not give you the time of day. One song called "Sound of Laughter" really struck a note with me. I got laughed at for being overweight at school. It made me feel alone. I did have friends, but many of them did not have weight issues. One or two of my friends understood and rallied to the message of punk rock which was that you can change you future no matter what people tell you. Learn to question what is told to you and it does not matter what you look like, but who you are inside. The words to this song:

I can hear the sounds of laughter

Could it be they're laughing at me
I can hear the roar of thunder
I'm mad, I'm deranged

I see clown in costumes voices that carry
Their message to my mind
I'm like a child so young and carefree
My eyes see what they want to see

Lights are flashing, the colors are blurring
There are patterns in my mind
Things are hidden to the world around me
But still they say I'm blind

They wrap me up in a web of lies
Meet the man who's locked inside
I'm too many people in too many places
I've a split personality

I can hear the sounds of laughter
Could it be they're laughing at me
I can hear the roar of thunder
I'm mad, I'm deranged

I see clown in costumes voices that carry
Their message to my mind
I'm like a child so young and carefree
My eyes see what they want to see

This was poetry to me. It seems natural to me that Jack is writing books now. There is controversy today about a lady on a game show who lost too much weight. It's a game show folks. Don't trust TV. Don't let anyone tell you what you need to look like. What if they ARE laughing at you? Can YOU laugh at yourself? Life is pretty funny. I have this new sagging skin I call "Emperor Skin" after the Emperor from star wars. (...are you laughing at me now or with me? are you laughing? was that not funny? are we not men?) Go for a walk in the fresh air while you still have lungs to breathe and legs to walk and we still have air to breathe. (This I say to myself) Pet you dog or cat. They will not judge you. Use your sonic reducer and your bullshit detector... for the love of Joe Strummer!.... and don't believe the hype! (this I say to myself!) Drink your coffee while we still have beans! Relax... but don't get to cozy. Stand up sit down, drop and give me 20 soldier... go team! Forgive yourself! You can do it.
Last night in my health class I admitted I had got comforable and was going back to my old eating habits. My instructor told me to take 5 minutes of "Me" time when I got home and use my elpitcal wheel. I set it up in front of the TV and did it while I sat on the couch when I got home and did 11 minutes because once I got going it was easier than I thought. I did 8 more minutes this morning and now I am going to take the sweaters and jackets off my bike that I have been using as a coat rack I ride it down the block for a minute or two. Caio for now!