I have all kinds of triggers to my depression. It starts most times with paranoia. Self doubt is always looming over me like a rain cloud, but lately I just worry about things that are out of my control. Like are we going to get blown up? Most of us are wondering that. It's beyond my depression now. My art for my upcoming solo show has elements of my concern for the world. Social media has further brought me down and taken me away from making art and feeling happy completing a painting. It's not enough just to finish a painting, now I need approval from everyone on Instagram? What have I become? I was listening to a podcast about how likes release dopamine in the brain and we get addicted to the praise from the "likes".
I have decided to try to stay off social media, but what about my art business? I have to stay on to get people to buy my art. I would prefer to put a flyer on windshields like the old days but that's not how it's done anymore. If I put my art out too soon before the art show it gets copied. The one thing i have going is this weird brain of mine comes up with good surreal content for art. I should be used to getting my ideas copied by now. I should not let it get to me but now and then it does.
I am thankful anyone is paying attention to my work at this point in my life. Grateful to be showing my art at El Cuervo Gallery in El Segundo, CA. and that my friends still support my dreams. I put my friends through a lot with my paranoia and depression. I am often so self absorbed I miss the bigger picture. I talk my self out of participating in shows or going out in public to see art or bands.
I get feelings of insecurity in public but if I let it go and try just to have fun most times everything is fine.
I have been nervous about this upcoming solo show. Will people show up? Are people still looking at what I am making? This current work I am making has been very hard to make. Much of it I made just for me. I put in a lot of my fears and a lot of my hope that things can still change and get better.
So many talented artists out there now. So much great new art that pushes me even harder.
I have done my best over the years to make the best art I could. With this show I hope to entertain the viewers as much as possible. I realize I need to just let go of all this self imposed doubt I have put on my shoulders. I am sure it will be fine. Most shows I am usually amazed at the turn out of people. I hope that you will all come out and see my show this summer. It means everything to me. After closing down my shop at crafted I have been focused on painting as much as I can.
I still keep dreaming of a day that I won't have to worry so much. I guess the best i can do right now is just focus on making the art and taking care of my health. Many thanks go out to my friends in the art world and most of all thanks to my teacher wife who works endlessly to support my dreams. it's all we have is love and dreams and each other. I don't want to let her down. I also love my studio mate dog who is right by my side everyday.
I will have the dates for the show very soon. I hope you can make it to the show!
Thanks, sincerely, Scott Aicher
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