Sometimes life hits you with things you have no control over. Loved ones need you and sometimes they leave for the next life. It happens. It takes a part of you with it when it does. Most times when you begin to heal you begin to find who you are, and realize the love you gave is about to return to you. One of my things in life that I live for is to find inspiration. I find it mostly in little things that I see something of myself in. I collect things that give me joy and sometimes I pass them on to others who need them more than myself. Over the years I have made a good collection of toys, books, art supplies and musical instruments. This is my formula that works for me. Some folks like other things. In America we are made to feel we need big things and lots of it. Not many understand my collecting. Some call it hording. Which I can say that some times I have this tendency to over do it now and then. When that happens I sometimes get overwhelmed and feel the weight of my things. My wife often helps me get back to a reasonable stash of objects and helps me organize my things and my well being. Without her I would no doubt be alone in a sea of clutter. She brings value to most everything I have or make. Together (with the help of our families and pets) we make things grow. I have my art. She has her kids at school and her garden. Sometimes we hunt for things at flea markets together, but mostly we love to stay home. Recently I was on a bit of a low and wound up for the first time in a very long time at an actual toy store (not just a comic book shop). I looked at all the new things and found one or two that I liked. Some toys were made to appeal to my generation. I was not really there to buy, but to heal myself. It was like being sea sick on a boat. Sometimes things make you dizzy and ill and now and then the air will hit you right and you feel great. I took my time and enjoyed just the moment and being there. Some days just the trip to the destination is the most important part of the trip. This time I did buy something to mark this time of my life. That is what I will see in what I bought this day. It may find a new home one day but for now it holds a moment for me. Things are just things but some times things remind us of where we have been and sometimes a new thing can give you hope for the future. I watched Wes Andersen's Life Aquatic today. It gave me inspiration for this post. It is full of G.I Joe and Jacques Cousteau reference. It brought me back to younger days when I was much more active which is where I need to get next on my new healthier path. Time has happened. I may not get back in the ocean like I did when I was young, but I can ride my bike by the beach. I am sure I will have new adventures and growth if I do. I have been making small steps to get back to new discoveries. I have an elliptical wheel at home by the couch that I pedal for a bit each day. I have been walking at work around the warehouses when I am there. I have found a few rocks and pine cones etc...(a new collection? I used them to decorate my shoppe) when I walk. I am building to get better at riding my bike (I have lost a bit of weight and now my balance and strength are a bit off) and going for walks with my dog. I had a big goal to ride my bike in the Long Beach Marathon this year, but I may not make it this year. That is o.k. It is a good goal, but maybe it is too big right now. I forgive myself for possibly not being able to make it this year. Maybe next year, but for now I have set smaller goals and continue to improve. People have talked to me at my time of weakness this last few weeks and sometimes a word or two had temporarily set me back, but with the help and understanding from other friends and support groups I did not let it stop me. I am back on track and committed to moving on to better days. Some days when I pedal that wheel I imagine the places I will one day be riding my bike. Maybe the beach. Maybe a park. Maybe just down the block. I see me and my dog walking down the block one day and bonding over it. Some day maybe the wife, dog and me.... walking and watching the sunset and breathing fresh air. Baby steps first. My thanks for all of your continued support and kind words of encouragement. I am very grateful for all of the love. Ciao for now -Scott
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