Well I was on my last social media account I had left today. (Is this blog social media? I’m not counting my blog or website) so I’m trying to delete a few photos and it took awhile. After a long time deleting the site kicks me off. When I went back everything I was getting rid of was back again. I thought it over. My good friends and family all send messages to my phone. I had a lot of followers but almost never any feedback from anyone. I hoped to get people to my website by posting ads there telling people I had new things going on my website. I’m not even sure if it helped any. I had almost 800 followers. Is that good? I don’t even know. I deleted the whole thing. Some people I will miss seeing posts from and much of my former local goings on I will no longer know about most likely. I’m having to let go of it. Real communication is being lost. I’m trying to find out how to keep myself healthy. I have family close by. My true friends still contact me often and check on me and I try every week to remember to contact my loved ones. I still hug my family. I’m trying not to live in fear. Like the serenity prayer. (You know how that goes right? It’s good to know. Search it on the interwebs.) I have been working on my praying. I wonder if I’m doing it right at times. It has worked for me. I’m managing my anxieties and depression and that helps get rid of fear. I think I’m losing weight just by the little bit I have been doing like drinking lots of water in the day. Trying to move around when I can. I’m not on a diet and I cancelled my double u double u account (you know that famous one that is now an app) most hospitals will steer you towards surgery or their program which is deigned to get your information (apps) or keep you returning and constantly paying them (through their classes). There is no easy way than just eating less, drinking water and exercise. To really do that you must be healthy mentally first. This does not get discussed in diet class meetings. I have a real hard time keeping weight off because I’m a stress eater. I often tell myself I am hungry when I’m really not. I often can’t tell the difference between hunger and being thirsty. It took me a long time to give up artificial sweeteners totally. Well…that’s just part of it. I’m getting older. I have had some health issues that seem to be improving and some I’m not sure. I’m getting a check up soon. I pray that I’m getting better. My family is here for me. My wife has helped me tremendously and gone above and beyond to help me get better. I’m so grateful to have her and my dog by my side. My dog helps me too. He greets me every morning and he tries to get me to play fetch with him and he does not like me on my phone too long. He knows when I’m sad and when he sees that he often gives me kisses or has me pet him. I’m playing my records now and then. CDS sometimes too. Even dvds once in awhile. I have a bunch of old media. Trying to enjoy what I already have. I never really played video games. I’m wanting to paint but I have been going through my art I kept after we moved and I have lived with most of it so long so I’m trying to put up the ones I love most or find out which ones I still don’t mind looking at every day. I’m ready to have a different relationship with painting. I did not become a well know painter (or well known artist either really…) that’s probably a good thing. I look at my past work and much of it makes me proud. How much I grew as I went along. There is a lot of my youth in it. I remember how at times I thought I was making important art. Like I was going to inspire people to paint and draw. I was like that a long time. Like my big break was almost here. Things happen in my life and now I have changed good or bad. Change happens. I had a good time developing my style and learning techniques and I’m still very inspired and eager to paint but in order for it to be fun for me it has to change because it’s real now. I know when I make bad art. I know what makes it bad. It’s not necessarily accuracy. It’s what’s felt when I look at it when it’s done. Sometimes I stare at my finished work for a long time. I have learned to let my art go. I’m not really keeping track of where I ends up anymore. I thought one day I would have a nice coffee table book of my art. Pretty sure that’s not happening. I had some really successful art shows. I sold a bunch of paintings over the years. Most of my life has been art jobs of some kind. I have been very lucky. Art success for me now will be if I am happy to make it. It took a lot to get me to where I am today. I’m making good choices. I’m beginning to find joy more often every day. I’m trying to find laughter and at times I do. I’m working on myself because it’s up to me how my future goes. I can change myself if I try everyday. The world is changing fast and I’m learning so much about it and so much is beyond control. If you read all this I’m grateful. If you would like to leave a comment feel free or email me if you like at popkustomshoppe@gmail.com.
Happy trails to you. Until the next post, Adios! -Scoocher
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